“System is armed,” are the words I hear every time I turn my burglar alarm on. It assures me that I am protected from danger.
As I continue to work with teams, or systems, I think about how we, as individuals in systems, arm ourselves.
John Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, describes Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. These four behaviors are team toxins. We use them to protect ourselves. They include blaming, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt.
When we arm ourselves with one of these horsemen, we can expect negativity, silence, poor communication and distrust from others. We actually are inviting danger by falsely believing that we are protecting ourselves.
Which behavior is your favorite? Educate your colleagues and loved ones and start naming the horsemen when they ride. By bringing awareness to your actions, you can actually create a safer space. Now that’s a disarming thought!